Twenty five years ago today at 3:44 pm, Tim entered our lives, full of vim, vigor and hungry as a bear coming out of hibernation! My concern was that somehow, I would not possibly be able to love another child as deeply as Sarah …. Oh my, the silly worries I carried for naught …. Love, as I have discovered, is like a river, or a bottomless ocean, that keeps endlessly flowing … aah May 13, 1987 …. the miracle of life, our darling Tim was born! ……. exquisite …. A special kind of joy. I honor my son today.
I had been raised observing my mother dispense love to some of us and seemingly none to others. Strange what seeps into the psyche of a young child during those formative years … Mother tried her best and was such a good mother in so many other ways, but loving six children equally did not come easily to her …. She had been an only child herself. Many many years later, sitting in Calgary at my kitchen table, with tears in her eyes, she shared her own childhood with me and I came to understand the ‘whys’ of my own childhood and learned to forgive and love her deeply in the last decades of her life … I miss her always and love her essence and always will ….. it lives on in my sisters and I and in our own children and grandchildren … the invisible thread that ties and binds us in family hood. Subconsciously, mother’s behavior during those fragile early years, had settled deep inside and became the root of my own fear that I would not have enough love for everyone ….. that love has limits and what a relief it was to let it go, twenty five years ago today! Sounds silly now to even think that a reasonably aware and intelligent, thinking woman would even entertain such a thought, but I did. Tim, unknowingly, and unwittingly, was instrumental in clearing away the early childhood conditioned fog and debris. It happened in the blink of an eye, holding a newborn Tim in my arms …… Love flowed and never let up.
Missing Tim on his special day … hope my FaceTime on the ipad works tonight so I can call when my family are all out for dinner to celebrate his day! … See their faces if not hug them in person.